ET, alien, dressed up, clothes, fashion, changing room

Conversations you have with yourself: In the changing room

Me: This top is nice.

Also me: Like its twelve identical twins in your wardrobe at home...

Me: The thing is, I really need something like this.

Also me: You have a black top disease. You are addicted to black tops.

Me: What colour is this? Slate or something?

Also me: It’s an illness.

Me: Dark pewter?

Also me: No, it’s still black.

Me: Gun metal grey?

Also me: Know thyself.

Me: It makes me look so thin.

Also me: Apart from the body-builder arms.

Me: And sophisticated.

Also me: As in seven thousand years old.

Me: I really want it.

Also me: You just want to buy something. 

Me: Wow, do I really look like that from the side?

Also me: No, you look worse.

Me: Sorry, but my arse is smaller than that.

Also me: It’s literally the Titanic.

Me: Oh God, the back fat…

Also me: …has nothing on the cellulite.

Me: OK, so I’d be prepared to spend £60 on it.

Also me: £80.

Me: Time to look at the label – Christ, it’s £149???

Also me: Definitely getting it.

Me: This is insane, I can’t even afford to get the car serviced.

Also me: You can, you just don’t want to spend money on that because it’s boring.

Me: That’s it, I’m taking it off and leaving it.

Also me: Wait, what did it look like again? Put it back on.

Me: I can’t decide…. I’ll take some photos of myself in it to text to my sister.

Also me: Still can’t take responsibility for your choices. Sad.

Me: Oh. She thinks I shouldn’t get it.


Me: It’ll be so useful.

Also me: You’ll wear it once.

Me: It’ll definitely go with my jeans.


Me: It’s smart, but also sexy.

Also me: Trashy neckline. Nipples are fully visible.

Me: Good for work.

Also me: Are you DRUNK?

Me: OK, it’s definitely… a no.

Also me: Wait, NO, you have to get it.

Me: Credit card?

Also me: Oh, OK – I didn’t realise we’d be fake paying for it, you should have said.

Me: Monopoly money!

Also me: Get something else to wear with it. What about trying on some black trouser that are like your other black trousers?

Me: I really need some black trousers, actually.

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