This is a call to arms. Where are arms? Come on, guys. It’s all very well talking about ‘flattering’ wide leg trousers and ‘sculpting’ pencil skirts and ‘waist-enhancing corseting’ – all of which are huge for Autumn. But none of which are any use at all if your not-so-hot arms are hanging out. This is not a mid-life phenomenon. I had bad arms at 15 and, as the rest of accessible fashion has moved on at an unprecedented pace, the arm situation remains…? Well, if only it were medieval.
Depending on the state of your legs and the state of your mind – you can choose length: mini, midi, maxi. Now, how’s the waistline feeling? Retaining water? Retaining cake? Not a problem (my WORST customer service phrase by the way – of COURSE it’s not problem; I’m in a restaurant and I asked for fork), select A-line or body-con or even smock accordingly. Isn’t this easy?
Except what about the upper arm situation? Unless you have Michelle Obama biceps or Anna Wintour’s build then you may be searching for a dress with sleeves and so you scroll and scroll (who actually enters shops?) through 2,384 new season frocks going half blind from the swirl and the glare and maybe 50 of them have sleeves but by the time I find them I feel maddened.
We beg you guys for more sleeves. And we plead with you for a ‘sleeves’ box to click when we’re online. Net-A-Porter has a ‘sleeves’ box. Matches has one. Nice (beautiful, exquisite) work if you can get it. Topshop even has a sleeve box. But what about Zara and ASOS? What about Whistles? We’ll make it worth your while. Honestly. The sleeves will find happy homes. Fast.