thandie newton, westworld, cigar, smoking, restless, little restless, small restless

Are you big restless or little restless?

I have no desire to take a year off and tour the planet. I don’t even want to move to the country or change jobs. I have neither the energy nor the inclination. Ergo I am not restless, right? I am settled, yes?

So, why, at a party, can I never ‘land’ anywhere? Why do I find myself always moving between groups of people, looking over everyone’s shoulder and generally, wondering when I can leave? Why do I pace all the time and move between chairs? Why, do I look in a full fridge and then go to the shop, in the rain, to buy ingredients for something new?

Not so settled after all. Restless. So restless, but in small ways that affect my day but not my life. Hating change but always tweaking, tuning, meddling with the moment. It’s a butterfly effect kind of madness. If I move just slightly to the left will everything take on a new perspective? If we are constantly moving targets, can inspiration to make the big changes ever really strike?

‘Big restless’ we all know. It’s the movie about the woman who walked around the world or moved to an ashram or whatever. But is ‘little restless’ the worst of everything? Never quite still and yet never really brave? Is ‘little restless’ just itchiness without the dynamism of focussed goals?

We were brought up to fixate on goals: weddings, promotions, mortgages and some of that stuff didn’t turn out so dreamy. Maybe goals have turned sour on us. And so we just…twitch.

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