A recent study published in the journal Scientific Reports has suggested that crying to really sad songs can make the listener genuinely feel better. Here’s our Playlist of Sorrow for every occasion to get your tear ducts pumping.
1. After a break up
It’s already so sad that Amy Winehouse died. And now on top of this, you have to deal with your own sorry state of affairs, so why don’t you listen to Love Is A Losing Game and cry until you are in physical pain and your face is falling off. Why not get drunk too? That should finish you off.
2. After a fight with your mother
Remember, this is the song Paul McCartney now feels he wrote about his mother dying when he was fourteen. If listening to this makes you borderline hysterical, you can calm yourself down again by remembering that the working title of the song was originally ‘Scrambled Eggs’.
3. When you feel ancient
You are now so ancient that you are starting to see evidence of your demise. Like the crows feet of death springing up round your ancient eyes. They’ll probably play this song at your funeral, you know. Hopefully everyone will be crying as much then as you are now just at the thought of it.
4. When you feel so anxious you can’t see
This is a song about appreciating the texture of everyday life. Looking back, thinking about everything that’s happened to help form the person you are. The moments of pleasure – NONE OF WHICH YOU CAN CURRENTLY RECALL.
5. When you haven’t slept for three nights
Put it this way, the only way you are going to sleep again is if you are in the warm embrace of a celestial winged creature i.e. dead. At least, that’s how it feels after three days of no results with sedatives/Night Nurse/hypnosis CDs.
6. When you feel totally alone
“I suddenly realised that unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine, and I’d finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later half-eaten by Alsatians.” Don’t think that just because Bridget Jones said it first that it couldn’t happen to you.
7. When it’s full moon/Mercury is in retrograde
It’s not your fault that you feel like your whole life is a complete disaster, so why not crush your spirits even further by listening to a song about a woman wanting to escape her own depressing life. Which she then fails to do. “Leave tonight or live and die this way.” OK, thanks Tracy.
8. When you can’t pay your tax bill
When you’re so crippled by panic because you kept dipping into your tax savings to do some late night (probably slightly drunk) shopping on Net-A-Porter and now you can’t pay the government what you owe them and will probably end up (albeit well dressed) in prison. All together now: “This is the fear/This is the dread/These are the contents of my head.”