Maybe you’re a sleek Le Smoking type. Or maybe, like Beauty School Dropout, a black evening trouser suit will always threaten to make you look like a large, anxious kitchen bin.
It’s nearly November which means there will be parties. Beauty School Dropout has never really experienced that whole ‘I’ve got three things a night from the first week of November til Christmas’. If she did she’d never survive and clearly people don’t like her that much. But, even so, around this time of year, there will be parties.
Which means that, if you can’t wear a trouser suit, and you hate tights (BSD LOATHES tights) there will be an arm, a shoulder, a leg or two on show. And BSD doesn’t know about you, but her extremities are not looking exactly sun-kissed and lithe. And, unless you can afford one of those expensive spray-on tans (if you can, see Amanda Harrington at In Parlour because she will make you much more beautiful with her wizardry) then self-applied fake tan applied on pallid skin never works. And scaley, wintry ankles and elbows suck up the product and turn brown.
Clearly you do not think that body make-up is for you. Clearly you have not tried Alleven Colour Shield because – wow. Beyonce uses it for starters. Not keen on celebrity endorsement but BEYONCE USES IT. It delivers an even, imperfection-blurring, luminous finish. Hello, golden pins. Bonjour honeyed décolleté. And – just to lower the tone – it doesn’t sweat off. Amazing.
Alleven Colour Shield – Ivory, 100ml, £38