wine, coffee, she loves me more, competition, love, affection, love hate relationship

Alcohol vs. Coffee

Alcohol: I don’t want to sound cocky – but it’s me.

Coffee: Wrong.

Alcohol: I’m the thing she wants at the end of the day.

Coffee: And I’m the thing she NEEDS first thing in the morning.

Alcohol: That’s dependency, not love.

Coffee: You’re allowed to need someone, you know.

Alcohol: So unsexy.

Coffee: It’s called being in an adult relationship, actually.

Alcohol: I make her feel sexy.

Coffee: I make her feel awake. You can’t feel sexy if you’re not mentally present.

Alcohol: I make her feel relaxed.

Coffee: I make her feel competent.

Alcohol: She lets go because of me.

Coffee: (in a tiny voice) and acts like a dick.

Alcohol: What was that?

Coffee: You heard.

Alcohol: OK, so she acts like a dick – it’s funny though.

Coffee: That’s debatable.

Alcohol: She enjoys me.

Coffee: She enjoys me. And I don’t make her feel like shit afterwards.

Alcohol: You make her grumpy and give her headaches.

Coffee: So do you.

Alcohol: That’s true, actually…

Coffee: Maybe we’re both a bit…

Alcohol: Yeah…

Coffee: I liked it that time you made her do the splits in the middle of her parents’ ruby wedding anniversary.

Alcohol: That was funny. And she really needed you the next day.

Coffee: Exactly!

Alcohol: We make a good team.

Coffee: Good point well made.

Alcohol: You do make her teeth a weird colour though.

Coffee: And you make her dance badly. I should have known it wouldn’t last.

Alcohol: At least she wants to dance with me.

Coffee: The flailing arms, the swinging head, that baffling knee-jerking movement. It’s embarrassing.

Alcohol: It’s called ‘having a good time’ you moron.

Coffee: You always leave me to pick up the pieces.

Alcohol: Oh, excuse me, your royal burning martyness.

Coffee: She can’t operate heavy machinery after you!

Alcohol: I’ll get over it!

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterEmail to someone