sleeping beauty, arthur wardle, painting, adventures in insomnia, insomnia, sleeplessness, september insomnia

Adventures in insomnia: September special

Brain: Oh God.

Me: What?

Brain: Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?

Me: I’m asleep, stop it.

Brain: ……..

Me: OK – what? WHAT?

Brain: September.

Me: So?

Brain: You have to go back to school now.

Me: I left school 700 years ago.

Brain: You know what I mean.

Me: Well, not so much…

Brain: The holidays are over.

Me: I didn’t go on holiday.

Brain: Exactly. You didn’t even go on holiday and now it’s September.

Me: Why didn’t I go on holiday?

Brain: Because you were too busy looking at other people’s holidays on Instagram.

Me: Sometimes I feel like the only person who wasn’t #blessed this summer.

Brain: That’s because you had to be here. Alone. With no money.

Me: My tan is fake.

Brain: Your life is fake.

Me: At least August was quiet.

Brain: When you say quiet, you mean WILDLY depressing, of course.

Me: Well, I…

Brain: The January of summer.

Me: Even Game of Thrones is over.

Brain: I would be in full-blown crisis if I were you.

Me: What do I do?

Brain: It’s obvious. You have to look at Instagram.

Me: It’s 3.45am. The blue light will stimulate my-

Brain: – Oh, shut up.

Me: (wearily picks up phone) Reese Witherspoon in @draperjames on a bike.

Brain: On holiday.

Me: Ah, Madonna and her unlikely grammatical errors

Brain: On holiday.

Me: Gigi Hadid hasn’t posted for a while.

Brain: Because she’s on holiday.

Me: I’m so tired.

Brain: Because you haven’t been on holiday.

Me: I really need a holiday.

Brain: You can’t go on holiday.

Me: Wait, you just said –

Brain: I said you need one. I didn’t say you could have one.

Me: I can’t sleep, I’ve got fake tan all over my sheets.

Brain: *I* need a holiday.

Me: Can I come?

Brain: No.

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