money insomnia, dark tunnel, black hole, dollars, money worry

Adventures in insomnia: money worries

Brain: Squeak, squeak.

Me: (wakes up panicking) Oh my Christ, what the hell is that?

Brain: You. Church mouse *evil laugh*

Me: What?

Brain: As in ‘poor as a…’

Me: Thanks for raising this at 2.45am.

Brain: Incredible that you have been able to sleep for two hours when you HAVE NO MONEY.

Me: Right, we’re not doing this now.

Brain: Literally the most casual person I have ever met.

Me: Actually that’s –

Brain: ‘Got no money AT ALL, but that can wait until morning.’ You’re hilarious.

Me: Bit over the top, isn’t it?

Brain: Is it, though? Should the bankrupt be allowed to sleep?

Me: Look, hang on, I’m not –

Brain: How are you going to pay the mortgage?

Me: With the money that I am earning. That I will be earning. Soon.


Me: What do you want from me???

Brain: A cardboard box for a start – for us both to live in when we lose EVERTHING.

Me: That won’t happen….Will it?

Brain: Don’t expect to ever go on holiday again. Or buy any new clothes. Or food. And when was your car last serviced?

Me: I don’t know.

Brain: Of course you don’t. It’s probably dangerous to drive by now. All because you can’t pay for the most basic safety checks.

Me: I’ll walk everywhere!

Brain: Won’t be able to afford the shoes, don’t bother.

Me: Think about something else, think about something else.

Brain: I know, pensions!

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