insomnia, adventures in insomnia, tired, exhausted, jet lag

Adventures in insomnia: Jet lag

Me: I’m awake.

Brain: No, you’re asleep.

Me: Am I?

Brain: I don’t know, are you?

Me: Who is this talking?

Brain: I don’t know, I’m so tired, I don’t know anything anymore.

Me: What time is it?

Brain: Who knows?

Me: Should I get up?

Brain: Yes.

Me: OK.

Brain: I mean no.

Me: OK.

Brain: Make a decision!

Me: Why are you shouting at me?

Brain: Because I don’t know who I am!

Me: Well, neither do I.

Brain: You did this to us.

Me: I did?

Brain: You and your stupid long haul flights.

Me: Sorry.

Brain: What’s wrong with France anyway?

Me: Nothing.

Brain: Think, next time.

Me: That Caribbean beach was so nice though.

Brain: No one cares about that beach at 4am, OK.

Me: But –

Brain: Stop talking immediately.

Me: I’m not, I’m –

Brain: Chat, chat, chat all day every day. It’s relentless.

Me: Bit unfair, but…

Brain: ‘Should I do this? Should I do that?’ Blah blah boring blah.

Me: Something isn’t right here.

Brain: ‘Shall I get a Pret sandwich for lunch?’ ‘Is that pain in my elbow cancer?’

Me: No, you said that. YOU said that. This isn’t me, it’s YOU.

Brain: So what if it is?

Me: Stop taking it out on me, then.

Brain: Er, hello? This is jet lag – it’s not meant to make sense, you know.

Me: HELP ME.

Brain: OK. Let’s regroup at 10am when I’ll decide we need to go back to sleep.

Me: *cries*

Brain: Now would be a good time for you to look at Instagram.

Me: Yes, Your Royal Highness.

Brain: Better.

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