Brain: Are you not sleeping because you’re worrying about Brexit?
Me: I was sleeping, actually.
Brain: Are you thinking about Article 50 being triggered?
Me: Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.
Brain: Yeah, it’s happening today, you moron.
Brain: You probably blocked it out because you’re so worried about it.
Me: I’m so sick of thinking about bloody Brexit.
Brain: Because it’s so worrying.
Me: And depressing.
Brain: And depressing, yes, I was going to say that.
Me: I feel depressed now.
Brain: We’ll be leaving the European Union……
Me: I don’t want to leave the European Union. I wish I was Irish.
Brain: ……You should be leaving your job.
Me: Wait, what?
Brain: And this flat.
Me: I don’t want to leave this flat.
Brain: You’ve got no choice. You can’t afford to stay in it. You’ve GOT to leave.
Me: You’re right, but where would I live?
Brain: Well, you can’t move in with your boyfriend, that’s for sure.
Brain: Because you should be leaving him.
Brain: Because he says things like, “Give me the whole nine yards” and he dances badly with no irony.
Me: Oh my God, I should leave him.
Brain: Yes, when you leave your job and leave this house, you should leave your boyfriend too.
Me: What is to become of me?
Brain: I don’t know, but it’s not good.
Me: I need to talk to someone. Who should I talk to?
Brain: No one, just leave it.
Me: I can’t, I’m so worried. What is going to happen to the single market?
Brain: You *might* meet someone else. Probably not, though.
Me: I meant the financial single market.
Brain: Not your problem. You don’t have any money.
Me: Oh my God, I don’t have any money.
Brain: You better leave this bed and go and do some pacing.
Me: You’re right – better tidy some drawers.
Brain: Look at some emails.
Me: Can’t I leave those until the morning?