patrick star, spongebob squarepants, insomnia, bloodshot, eyes, sleep

Adventures in Insomnia: when your brain turns nasty

Brain: Whoa. I’ve just realised something terrible.

You: No, no, no. I’m asleep….What?

Brain: You’re so OLD.

You: You woke me up to say that?

Brain: Just think about that for a second. All the things you HAVEN’T done.

You: I’m going to try not to actually, because it’s 3.30am, you absolute psycho.

Brain: You don’t own this house, for example.

You: Most of Europe rents….

Brain: Not exactly married, are you?

You: What is this, the Fifties? Shut up, I’m trying to sleep.

Brain: No money.

You: I have money.

Brain: No, you don’t.

You: Compared to some people, I do.

Brain: Haven’t done your tax return yet though, have you? Because you’re scared.

You: I’m only a bit scared.

Brain: You’re so POOR.

You: My therapist says I am rich in other ways.

Brain: Omg, you wanker.

You: Takes one to know one. You’re meant to be on my side.

Brain: You need to face these things.

You: No I don’t, it’s THE MIDDLE OF THE ACTUAL NIGHT.

Brain: You might die soon, you know.

You: Given this current conversation, that might actually be welcome.

Brain: Alone. Penniless. With a beard….

You: I do NOT have a beard.

Brain: Yet.

You: Fuck you.

Brain: Whatever, Grandma.

*REPEATS FOR THE NEXT FOUR HOURS*

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