We are not exactly overflowing with cash. Drowning in dosh. Lathering in lucre. But sometimes we lose track of the spreadsheet (what spreadsheet?) and our finances go properly wonky. It’s not as if it’s all about Chloe bags and Prada frocks. Nope. More like…
The roof overspend
Yes, yes, you know the roof is a necessity. And you are grateful to have it. But could it just stop leaking? Because you do not want to spend the *insert several thousand* you had earmarked for a possible holiday (ha ha) on the roof. You spend more on the roof than you spend on yourself. You spend more on the dog than you do on yourself. And still they both leak disloyally.
The grocery shop overspend
When you forget you are going out a few times in the week so you do the usual shop and now you have all this meat and berries sitting there staring at you expensively. And then your fridge breaks down and everything you’ve put in the freezer due to other time management/bunker mentality incidents has to be thrown out. And so there’s just rotting berries left. And a massive repair bill.
The viewing overspend
Do you have Sky, Netflix, Amazon Prime plus downloaded a few iTunes films and all of the second (and best) series of Nashville? Oh, and you might have actually made it to the cinema once. That will be £5000000 in visual entertainment alone. Monthly. And there is still NOTHING ON.
The airport overspend
Much like the fact that airport calories do not count, you know that airport cash is like monopoly money. So… directional heart-shaped Gucci sunglasses? Yes please. The whole of Accessorize Z range of shiny jewellery? Yassss. All of Jo Malone London? Nike pool slides? The complete Lancaster sun range? Pourquoi pas?
The weather overspend
Perhaps you are always prepared like a good girl guide. Or perhaps you are constantly taken by surprise by the weather. You cannot go out without having to buy a huge duvet coat from Uniqlo and cashmere and Moon boots but then it’s SO HOT so some light Merino wool and sandals and an emergency pedi/wax because you are no longer a woman but a hibernating hobbit. Confusing and expensive.
The tech store overspend
Because life comes at laptops fast. You need a new one and it’s not your fault. So there’s the computer itself (ooh, rose gold) and then a battery pack, so handy, and noise-cancelling headphones, and a new case, and an iPad pro and a desktop and insurance; this is the new YOU, all techy and practically virtual. Until you leave the shop and take a breath and start crying like you used to do when you left the hairdressers.
The holiday with richer friends overspend
Thank you presents. Dinners. Tips. Why did this look so cheap? How could you not realise? You need to become the sort of person who camps. Sharpish.