period, pmt, stress, bleeding, hormonal

A smoothie cure to your PMT – or will you just want to kill it?

Everyone is talking about bloody periods this week, thanks to Bodyform’s brilliant ad, #redfit. (Going some way towards laying that Bodyform-For-Youuuuuu ghost to rest.) Which in turn got us talking about the joy of PMT. Do you suffer from PMT? Well, here at The Midult, one of our team has an alter ego called Roger who descends once a month. Roger is to be avoided. If you see Roger do not – we repeat do not – approach. Do not look Roger directly in the eye. We don’t. Should you be similarly afflicted with a furious personality change we would like to take this opportunity to direct your attention towards…ummm…  smoothies. Smoothies with lots of calcium, vitamins B1 and B2, and D. And iron, you know, because of the bleeding. We’ve dug up some recipes that clearly won’t make you feel better. But at least they’ll give your Roger something to do.

Smoothie 1: The FML

1/2 large mango, peeled and pit removed

3/4 cup frozen blueberries

2 cups fresh baby spinach

1 tablespoon of sesame seeds

2 and 1/2 tablespoons cacao powder

4 to 6 ounces of filtered water

Blend, decant into a paper cup thing and throw out of car window at passing, annoying pedestrian.

(Calories: 280/Protein: 8g/Carbs: 53g/Fat: 7g/Calcium: 20%/ Iron: 5.3mg)

Smoothie 2: The Crushing-yet-Crying 

2 oranges, peeled

1 small carrot, chopped

1 banana, peeled

2 cups kale, chopped

2 ounces unsweetened coconut milk

Blend and smear over your own face and body like a new-gen Carrie

(Calories: 342/Protein: 9g/Carbs: 80g/Fat: 3g/Calcium: 35%/ Iron: 3.3mg)

Smoothie 3: The Last Resort

1 cup fresh pineapple, cubed

3 cups of dandelion greens (good luck with that)

1 mango, peeled and pitted

4 to 6 ounces of filtered water

Blend and Instagram in pretty glass. #startasyoumeantogoon. JOKE

(Calories: 257/Protein: 7g/Carbs: 62g/Fat: 2g/Calcium: 35%/ Iron: 5.9mg)

Extra (generally incredibly expensive) ingredient tips:

For the calcium: Dandelion greens, kale, figs, papayas, oranges, chia seeds and the plant-milks: hemp, almond, rice, soy.

Vitamin B1 and B2s: Romaine lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, watermelon, carrots, pineapple, oranges, Swiss chard, collard greens, grapes, bananas, kale (again), strawberries, raspberries, and persimmons.

Iron: dandelion greens, kale (can’t avoid it), parsley, cacao

It all sounds completely disgusting. Good luck.

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