1. Better The Devil You Know – Kylie
You had to listen to this song over and over to study the dance routine you taped off Top of the Pops. And then you had to play the song over and over to practise the routine in your kitchen. And then you had to play it over and over to teach your friends – and then over and over in your multiple performances. So many times that even the devil didn’t want to know.
2. Nothing Compares to You – Sinead O’Connor
Sinead understood why the boy you were pretending to fancy so you could fit in wasn’t interested because you’d known him all your life and he was practically your brother. No one needed to know that you didn’t *really* care, it was more important to literally collapse with grief when he said he couldn’t go to the Feather’s Ball with you and play Nothing Compares To You so you could mimic the single tear of grief that slips down her face.
3. Born Slippy – Underworld
Drunk in an Italian nightclub every night for a month during your gap year and agreeing to things you shouldn’t have agreed to with Giacomo the barman because he always gave you free vodka.
4. Gangsta’s Paradise – Coolio
You went to an all-girl’s school, were brought up in Surrey, slept with a bunny in your bed until you were 19 and failed your driving test five times. There was nothing REMOTELY gangsta about you, no matter how many times you played this song.
5. Fields of Gold – Sting
The first song on the first mix-tape your first boyfriend made you. So romantic. Until you realised you were 15, not 45 and why hadn’t he opened with something by Take That like your best friend’s boyfriend?
6. Glory Box – Portishead
That pretentious druggy phase you went through at university that culminated in you smoking too much superskunk, hallucinating that you were riding on the back of a dolphin and then vomiting all over your room.
7. Ordinary Love – Sade
Because there was a boy called Mike and you loved him and it was no ordinary love. Except he didn’t love you back so you just played Sade’s song over and over and over again for three months. And even now if you hear just the beginning notes you want to lie down and sob into your duvet of despair. Otherwise you are fine, really.