daniel cleaver, bridget jones diary, hugh grant, bad boyfriend, like your new bloke

9 ways to know if your friends hate your new bloke

  1. He always gets referred to as your ‘current boyfriend’.
  2. They permanently get his name wrong: “How’s David? I mean, Daniel, Danny, Dan. No, Dominic. Damian?”
  3. They talk about your ex in front of him the whole time. “I miss John.” “If you had to say who the love of your life was, would you say John?” “Remember when John said that thing??????” “John would know how to fix that.” “John was so handsome, it was sometimes hard to look at him.” “Remember how everyone was in love with John!” “Let’s do a group selfie and send it to John.”
  4. They keep forgetting to invite him to anything they invite you to and then saying things like, “Oh – are you still seeing him?” in a surprised voice.
  5. Friend: “Did you watch Broadchurch last night?” You: “No, XX was out last night and he wants to watch it together.” Friend: “Unbelievable… It’s OK, you weren’t to know he was totally wrong for you. When are you going to tell him it’s over?”
  6. They keep setting you up on blind dates. In front of him. “My friend James from work is not only handsome, he’s literally the funniest person I’ve ever met and he’s SUCH a good dancer. You should, like, marry him” / “What are you doing next Tuesday? Do you want to have dinner with my brother? He’s basically in love with you and you know your mother adores him and your father respects him.”
  7. When you talk about him, they start sentences with, “Look, I’ll only say this once and then we can draw a line under it, but…”
  8. They keep asking you if you’re happy ‘because you don’t seem yourself’ when you have just been saying how happy you are.
  9. They keep referring to some mystery person called The Arsehole and it turns out to be your boyfriend.
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