Stop listening to the negative voices in your head
Can you imagine what it might be like if you woke up at 3am and… what’s that sound? Silence? Or you would look at yourself in the bad mirror and what’s that? Nothing. No negging, no criticism, no oh my God what is that thing in the mirror? BLISS. Except, what actually is that?
Planning a pension
Did you know that if you put £80 a month in a pension pot the government puts £20 in and you can’t touch it until you are over 55, which is a better savings rate than almost anything – and obviously you haven’t been reading this because pensions are not sexy or engaging, so now we are just going to write blah de blah de blah.
Taking up boxing or lady wrestling
Just think – you’d be fierce, fabulous, a bit Gigi Hadid and you might have abs! Or less wobbly arms! And you would feel less vulnerable when you are out walking the dog at night. Say hello to the new lady boss that you would be. Except look – there’s a doughnut.
Giving up coffee
Giving up sugar
“Hold on I thought I was reading a mad, hot take on navigating the stress of Midult life not a worthy/preachy give up sugar and take up fucking chanting guide,” you might be saying right now. Sorry. We won’t mention it again. Except to whisper: we are not going to give up sugar either.
Getting rid of your old knickers
EVERY SINGLE ONE. All of them. The lucky ones, the period ones, the so-sexy-will-never-wear-again ones, the grey ones. And then going to the pant giant M&S and buying many multi-packs. Fresh ones, still-white ones, big ones, small ones but every one a new one. A clean start. Past: erased. Future: everything to play for.
Sitting on a Swiss ball
And we don’t mean just at your desk but everywhere: while reading/needle-pointing (!) quietly at night (see you later sofa), while having supper (careful of the soup) at the table. You’ll have a core of steel, a pelvic floor like a bulldog clip – take that, trampoline. You can even roll yourself from the fridge to the TV (or rather improving book) and back again. Wheeeeee.
Is it possible to stop veering from terrible outcomes and disastrous scenarios to bottomless riches and endless sex? To stop overreacting, bouncing around life like a frightened firework? And, instead, to just think about a situation, calmly and logically and with room to breathe. To stop living life in react mode. How would that feel? (Answers in an email please)