marjorie dawes, matt lucas, little britain, fat fighters, weight watchers, diet

7 things… that were diet foods in the 90s

Porridge. Vast vats of it. Made with semi-skimmed milk. And honey. Then a bit more honey. And some banana because it’s fruit and I need energy because of the workout I nearly did this morning. Porridge at desk at 9:30. Vastly expanded stomach capacity. Ravenous by 11.

Jacket Potatoes. The skin is pure fibre apparently. And it’s a (large) vegetable. No, I won’t have cheese because that’s bit fattening so I’ll just have that tuna mayonnaise instead. Yes, please, butter would be good. Bit more? Mashed in? No I won’t have salad. It will make me too full and I have a party to go to tonight.

Sushi. The rice bowls count as sushi because they come from the same kitchen as the lean tuna sashimi, right? Of course right. And one of those noodly-doodly soups on the side. Do you even know how good this pickled ginger is for your metabolism? Like, so good.

Brown pasta, brown rice, brown toast, brown anything. You can eat literally as much of it as you like so long as it’s brown. Might as well be lettuce.

Special K. For breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and snack. Why won’t my jeans do up?

Hummus with pitta bread. I’m basically on the Mediterranean diet, skipping through olive groves in my head, which means I’ll not only live until I’m 100 but I’ll look like Sophia Loren in about five minutes. Such good OILS in hummus.

Sugar free sweets. An entire food group if I can just ignore the effect Sorbitol has on my tummy. Oh God. Back in a minute…

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