la la la, i can't hear you, not listening, hands covering ears, don't want to hear

32 things Midults dread hearing

  1. I am thinking of organising a long weekend in Ibiza for my birthday this year.
  2. Did you get my email?
  3. Shall we go camping?
  4. Where have you put Dad’s ashes?
  5. Your order has some substitutions today.
  6. Are we still on for tonight?
  7. We don’t have Wi-Fi here so you can completely switch off!
  8. Cash only this queue please (after you’ve been in line for ten minutes).
  9. Did you get my text?
  10. Your aura feels very angry today…
  11. Are you coming to bed?
  12. Cleaner: “I am going on holiday for a month”
  13. Did you get my message?
  14. Don’t you look like your mother?
  15. I am clean eating at the moment
  16. That sound your computer makes when it is going to die.
  17. Multiple WhatsApp pinging as the group text starts hotting up – it’s going to be a long hour/night.
  18. Shall we spice things up a bit?
  19. The central heating coming on at 5am: The day is about to begin.
  20. We need to talk.
  21. Ooh, that looks comfortable.
  22. You look well [for the uninitiated, ‘well’ means ‘fat’].
  23. The specific crumple of an empty packet of crisps/biscuits.
  24. The ringing of the landline.
  25. We are calling about an accident you may have had in the last five years?
  26. I’m not looking for anything serious.
  27. We can send an engineer between 5am and 10pm.
  28. Unexpected item in the bagging area.
  29. First of all, you need to deal with that pigmentation.
  30. I’m a very spiritual person.
  31. Actually, Donald Trump has a point about…
  32. This never happened with my wife.
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