spongebob squarepants, morning madness, manic mornings, morning busyness, morning mayhem

28 more things you’ve done before 8am

Early morning is a remarkably fertile time of doing many, many things really quite badly. Or, if not badly, then incompletely. Like:

  1. Thought about checking your bank balance. Too early for depressing news though.
  2. Tried to find the paper bit of your driver’s licence.
  3. Opened laptop while eating porridge.
  4. Dripped the maple syrup on keyboard.
  5. Called the maple syrup a fucker.
  6. Emailed accountant about tax return.
  7. Googled ‘What is a pension?
  8. Debated whether or not to cancel plans tonight. Desperate to. Whose turn is it to cancel? Yours or theirs?
  9. Stared at phone for a bit.
  10. Set up a WhatsApp family Christmas group.
  11. Regretted instantly.
  12. Shaved legs sitting in the bath while listening to five minutes of a podcast about American politics. Feel like an authority.
  13. Stubbed toe on door frame. Called door frame a bastard.
  14. Took Ibuprofen for back/period/head/knee/soul pain.
  15. Googled natural anti-anxiety supplements.
  16. Took vitamin B for… what’s vitamin B for again?
  17. Took mind off anxiety by spending five minutes on Lakeland.com salivating over hangers with clips on.
  18. Made plan to upgrade hangers. Will def do that. So going to do that.
  19. Stared at wardrobe hoping for something stylish and flattering to leap out.
  20. Phone was abuzzing. Searched for phone. Where the fuck is…?
  21. Found phone. Answered breathlessly. It was a PPI call.
  22. Threw phone.
  23. Tried to locate nearest Hermes parceldrop for all the secondhand designer clothes you are going to sell for huge amounts of money.
  24. Cancelled plans.
  25. Sat on bed for ten minutes in a towel staring at wall. Feeling tired. And then cold.
  26. Wondered about whether or not to buy a dressing gown. Would you wear a dressing gown?
  27. Checked bank balance.
  28. Decided against dressing gown.
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterEmail to someone