lucille ball, indignities, dignity, lose dignity, shame, embarrassing

21 times we lost our dignity this week alone

  1. When I hadn’t synced my headphones to my iPhone and pressed play and everyone could hear that I was listening to the Frozen soundtrack.
  2. When I spent hours crafting an email and realised too late that I wrote ‘it’s’ instead of ‘its’. And then emailed again saying ‘I know it’s its’ and then added an X. And it wasn’t an X kinda situation.
  3. When I hugged someone and knocked their expensive sunglasses on the floor and the lens popped out. And we all stared at it and then everyone dropped to their knees.
  4. When I decided to use Apple Pay on the tube and couldn’t get it to work and 10,000 commuters tried to kill me.
  5. When I arrived at a meeting crazy desperate to go to the loo.
  6. When I left the loo with my skirt tucked into my knickers.
  7. When my bag got stuck in the closing doors and I had to yank it and “things” started flying out and I had to scramble around on the floor picking up tampons and euros.
  8. When an unexpected rain shower made my root touch up leak down my forehead.
  9. When I answered the door, forgetting that I had just performed surgery on a spot and had bright white Malin + Goetz cream on the middle of my forehead.
  10. When I ate herby, nutty pasta for lunch and most of it got stuck in my teeth and didn’t realise for at least two hours (all the fuckers who didn’t tell me are dead to me).
  11. All the times I was looking for something and that something was either in my hand or on my head.
  12. When my contact lens pinged out after I rubbed my eye and I lost it and squinted for the rest of the day because I didn’t have a spare one with me.
  13. When something went wrong with my computer and a Millennial fixed it in seconds, with a look that was a combination of pity and fury.
  14. When I drank from my water bottle and it all leaked down my white t-shirt. Dribble.
  15. When I realised that there was eardruff in my headphone cavity which I tried to pass off as dust.
  16. When I cried while plucking my nose bush this morning. From the stinging.
  17. When I texted someone something a bit uncomfortable and they didn’t text back for at least an hour, so I started over-texting and then the person was ‘I’ve been in a meeting…’
  18. When I wore a dress and it was hot and the sweat patches
  19. When I asked someone the same question twice in the space of ten minutes.
  20. When I tried to park the car and couldn’t look round properly because my neck.
  21. When I walked down the stairs and suddenly developed a limp (BLOOD CLOT???!!) and then had to limp around all day carrying the gym kit for the exercise class I couldn’t go to because of said limp.
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