boss baby, not grown up, immature, adult, madult, midult

20 signs you’re still not a grown-up

  1. You flick V signs at passing police cars. Discreetly of course. But still. And sometimes when you are driving you think, ‘OH MY GOD, I AM DRIVING A CAR.’
  2. The word kundalini makes you laugh and laugh and laugh EVERY TIME.
  3. You’ve watched Magic Mike at least twice. You are considering booking the stage show. But Channing Tatum isn’t in it. So you are not going to.
  4. Sometimes you have cereal for supper. Or biscuits.
  5. You still go into Topshop. This is a triumph of hope over experience.
  6. You just got another tattoo. Your mum rolled her eyes at you. You said, “Muu-uu-uum.”
  7. You still fantasise about being married to George Clooney. Every now and then you catch sight of what George looks like now and you get a real shock.
  8. You cannot regulate your coffee intake. How much coffee is too much coffee? I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION.
  9. You don’t own an iron. Smash the patriarchy is your reasoning. But also you can’t be arsed.
  10. Brexit makes you want to stamp your feet and scream. You’ve completely forgotten what the key points of the deal are and you cannot be bothered to look them up. The future of the country is BORING.
  11. You eat your shop while shopping in the supermarket.
  12. If you had an Alexa you would definitely teach her to swear. “Alexa can you tell everyone that dinner is fucking ready?”
  13. You often mostly always catch up on Queer Eye instead of watching Andrew Marr; also you listen to Heart breakfast with Jamie and Emma, instead of the Today programme. Sometimes you even look on Twitter so you know what was on Today so you can talk about it.
  14. You aggressively pick spots that should be left alone and worry your nail varnish off. You can’t help destroying the manicure and leaving bits of it trailing around the house.
  15. You are scared to go to the dentist. For the pain. And also now the cost.
  16. You email your work wife about how hungry you are all day. And you still secretly hold on to the fact that baked potato is diet food.
  17. You cannot meditate for longer than five minutes without getting completely hysterical.
  18. You are too scared to look at your bank account. You have an imaginary balance. And that’s working out just fine.
  19. You are mostly winging it. Wing wing wing.
  20. You are still surprised when your period comes. And often are unprepared. Like, “What, this again?” despite the fact that you’ve had 70000 periods and only have about 12 to go…
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