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19 things you know if you’re a Midult

  1. You know more and less at the same time. You think they might cancel each other out. So where does that leave us?
  2. Good sleep is better than good sex.
  3. Weird things start growing on your face.
  4. You will have a piece of Emma Bridgewater pottery in your cupboard. You don’t remember buying it.
  5. Moths make you panic. Even talking about them makes you panic. MOTHS. PANIC.
  6. You arrive everywhere 20 minutes early
  7. It really bothers you when someone puts an apostrophe in the wrong place. You wish it didn’t, but it does. You’re THAT person.
  8. Sometimes you drink so much coffee you truly believe you can see your heart beat.
  9. If you’re Little Tired, have a sleep. If you’re Big Tired, get some help.
  10. You can have all the feelings at the same time *throws remote control out of window* *tries to have sex with plumber* *cries and donates £10 to Syria* *makes self laugh* *makes self cry*
  11. You have 25 different kinds of herbal tea. You don’t much like any of them. You’d rather have a Diet Coke. But you probably won’t.
  12. Perfection is for other people.
  13. Swearing fucking helps.
  14. There is a conspiracy of silence around hormones: they need looking after.
  15. You can’t bank sleep.
  16. It is perfectly possible to have a fulfilling imaginary relationship with Tom Hardy.
  17. Step away from the waterfall cardigan.
  18. This is the rush hour of life: we have spots, wrinkles and possibly braces. Who knew?
  19. If you need to cancel, you need to cancel.
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