ben stiller, dodgeball

10 ways…to swerve a hard on

  1. Start a fight about the children.
  2. Say that someone has remarked that you look like his mother.
  3. Set the smoke alarm off. Then the burglar alarm. Then the car alarm.
  4. Break the Xbox.
  5. Start meditating.
  6. Make demands you know will not be met: ‘Only if you go bed linen shopping with me at Peter Jones this weekend.’
  7. Vomit.
  8. Say you want another baby.
  9. Put on an Adele record and start crying.
  10. Have hysterics every time you look at it.
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