1. “What the fuck….?”
2. “No, I am listening.”
3. “I’m sorry, can you say that again?”
Too tired/bored/disconsolate/angry to try to pay attention to the words being emitted from your mouth. Mostly thinking about the sex I’m not having, the clothes I’m not buying and the conversion I can’t afford.
4. “How can it be that time already?”
I have achieved absolutely nothing today and it’s my fault, probably, because Instagram has been too tempting, as has the Net-a-Porter sale/all those Biden Obama memes/YouTube tutorials on how to do smoky eyes and now it’s bedtime. It’s always bedtime in my dreams….
5. “Is it time for a drink yet?”
E.g. I have been mentally drunk since 9.30am this morning and now I would dearly like fiction and reality to finally come together.
6. “Is it time for bed yet?”
7. “Why did I come into this room?”
Was I going to ask someone something? Or eat something? Or announce something? Or break something? Why am I here? Where am I? Who am I? What is all this? Is that a stain on the carpet? How did it get there? How long has it been there? How long have I been standing here?
8. “No, I don’t remember saying that.”
I would never say something as stupid as that, nor can I be expected to remember every tiny thing I say, even the stupid stuff and even if I did say that, which, OK, I probably did, it doesn’t count if I don’t remember saying it. Just so we’re all clear.
9. “I’m not angry, I’m just tired.”
I am so f***ing angry, I could break you in half with my bare hands and then crush the remains like a plastic cup, but I’m trying to be the bigger person.
10. “I’m not tired, I’m just… God, I’m tired.”
Don’t speak to me, I’m so tired.