cameron diaz, the holiday, autumn, dancing, fall, nights closing in, darker nights, longer nights

10 reasons to be happy the nights are closing in

  1. Start to lasciviously finger your cashmere drawer again. Then realise you hate all of it and wildly spend on more cashmere. And then some new boots to go with the new cashmere. And a new coat. At least you’ll be well dressed when the government finds out that you hacked your own tax savings account and are sent to prison because you couldn’t afford your life.
  2. The joy of realising that though this may feel like your new term spiritually, it isn’t a new term actually. No need to read Cider With Rosie/trying to learn how to divide fractions/having anxiety dreams that you never sat your A levels/smoking secret cigarettes out of the bathroom window. You left school before God invented water. You are an adult now. You can now be stupid and lazy if you want. It doesn’t matter anymore.
  3. You are now no longer the only person NOT on holiday. Enjoy slagging off the minority who have pulled off an outrageous September getaway while everyone else is at work. Bastards.
  4. Less pressure to be outdoors the whole time. Stay indoors. Watch telly. Then fall asleep for a bit and when you wake up, watch more telly. Eat a packet of Jaffa cakes and then fall asleep again. It’s why they made autumn.
  5. Soon it will be Christmas, where you can be drunk for two weeks with no justification and wear slutty sequin dresses but with a Santa hat to distract from the sluttiness.
  6. Soon it will be I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here again – which means that however bad your day has been, at least you didn’t have to eat a porcupine’s arsehole/get 10,000 cockroaches jammed down your trousers.
  7. Less flesh-baring means less fake tan/waxing maintenance. You can let your fields grow fallow. Cultivate your winter coat. Be the pale, hairy bastard you secretly want to be.
  8. Light candles. Everyone looks better in candlelight. No one will be able to see how hairy you now are.
  9. Just eat more sausages in general. It’s going to get colder. This is allowed. And more sugar. You need to insulate your body with fat. It’s the sensible thing to do. It’ll mean you use less electricity heating your house and that’s good for the environment and your bank account.
  10. As soon as it gets dark, announce that you are succumbing to your circadian rhythms and rush off to bed. Then fool around on your phone for two hours, but do it lying down.
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