1. 10 Things I Hate About You
Only 10?? Pass us a pen.
2. Fatal Attraction
Because boiling a small pet is a perfectly rational adult response to someone not returning your calls.
Do we hate Amélie’s stupid little girl hair and her stupid kooky librarian shoes and her big Bambi eyes? Or love her? Do we adore this little French masterpiece? Or is it the MOST annoying piece of cutesy-ness ever? Ride those mood swings, bébé.
Obviously. Stock up heavily on the brown stuff before you start – and we mean the real shit, like Galaxy, not the ‘just one square of 85% cocoa’ as-only-eaten-by-models kind. Everything’s soothing and yummy about a romcom where Juliette Binoche opens a chocolatier in a leetle French village and Johnny Depp comes a-sniffing.
5. Girl, Interrupted
Crazy and messed up has never looked more heart-stoppingly sexy and cool. A young, very much still pre-Earth saviour Angelina ‘Brad who?’ Jolie won a Best Supporting Oscar for playing a mental patient opposite Winona Ryder in this 1999 psychodrama.
6. The Intern
You see, this is what’s wrong with movies/working life/men/parenting/EVERYTHING! There’s just so much wrong with a still so wrongly-watchable comedy which sees Anne Hathaway play the boo-hoo-ing, working mom boss of a Pret A Porter style internet company whose life clearly requires Robert De Niro’s fatherly old intern to sort it out for her. Prepare to get very shouty.
The last time you probably watched this you identified with 10-year-old Annie, now you’re more like Miss Hannigan, the slutty, alcoholic orphanage manager. Mix yourself a martini and belt out the hits: “Better your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be suuuuuuuun!” And bathing in gin? Multi-tasking genius! Surely a beauty trend that needs reviving.
8. Snow White And The Seven Dwarves
Think Snow White had it tough? Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey – you’ve got the full seven dwarves going on, no blinking blue birds to help with the washing up. Handy one if you also have small children to terrify/sedate.
9. Magic Mike
Feeling bloated and aggrieved? Get a reality check with one of the most harrowing films of the 21st century about a morbidly obese and systematically abused American teenager. Think of it as a brutal emotional lymph node drain.
By Larushka Ivan-Zadeh, @larushka_iz